As with many tough things in life, the way to get out is to go through, there isn’t a way around it. If you’re struggling with something the best way to get over it is to show up and work through it. The more you try to dodge by engaging in frivolous activities, the longer you will be in that place and the more pain you’ll cause yourself. Life is a series of choices. You chose to show up and move forward or you chose not to. It’s all a mindset. You have to believe that you’re worth showing up for yourself, because you are. When your self worth is in the dumps, you don’t show up for yourself. If this is you-I’m giving you a virtual hug and shake right now–because you are worth showing up for!
There were some periods of my life that were really dark and difficult, which I discussed on The Muscle Moms Podcast, the only reason I got out of it was because I kept showing up for myself. Even if I stumbled I got up and kept going because I knew going through the yuck was the only way out.
At first I did lots of ‘self care’ things to convince myself I was on the path to reach my ‘peak’ but really it was just a mask hiding the insecurity, shame, compulsion and guilt that was inside me. I’m all for self care and do it now to decompress-actually working out is my favorite form of self care-but none of it works or matters if your mind isn’t right. This reality finally sunk in for me and I took of the mask, put my hair in a top knot and got to dirty work. Healing isn’t pretty or glamorous. It’s messy, hard, and takes consistent work. But if you keep showing up for yourself you’ll get to your peak.
You can change the internal dialog with yourself.
You can change your perception of your own worthiness.
You can decide to go after your dreams and show up daily.
You can create boundaries for yourself.
You can command respect.
You can get up after falling down know it’s part of the process.
This transformation can take years, but if you commit to yourself it will happen.
Think about a confident, authentic woman in your life. The truth is, she didn’t get there on accident. She didn’t get there without a few scars. She didn’t get there by doing yoga and taking bubble baths, she got there by turning inward to face the darkness, tapping into her soul and finding her courage to conquer it, speaking her truth and showing up for herself again and again, even when she stumbles, even when it’s hard-committing to growth and expansion. Those cliche sayings pressure creates diamonds, there is no rainbow without rain, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, all of it is true.
You can break free from your negative thought and behavior patterns, the ways you were conditioned to think. If we want to live passionate, happy, and purposeful lives, you have to stand up for yourself and be unapologetic about who you are and what you have to offer.
If you have areas of insecurity, shame, or doubt, get curious about where those came from.
Every time you thought negatively about your body…
Every time you didn’t follow through on your goals…
Every time you decided that you weren’t good enough…
Every time you’ve internalized the message “I’m not worthy…”
You have imprinted that belief into your brain. Where did it come from and why? Start to explore that and break it down, analyze the pieces and recognize the patterns. Then you can start addressing them one by one.
Your feelings of unworthiness are holding you back from living the life you want to live. Here are some ideas to help you show up for yourself every day.
- Awareness: start to be mindful of your thoughts and patterns. Notice when you think a negative thought about yourself and what triggered it. Writing this down helps. And write down your theory on why the trigger made you feel this way and what you think about that.
- Fully engage. Show up for something that you might otherwise avoid. This could be an event, a work meeting, a workout, anything that you have the opportunity to do and your initial reaction is ‘no I don’t belong’ or ‘no I’m not good enough’ or whatever that is. Stop that thought, replace it with ‘yes I will show up’ then go through with it and see what happens.
- Get moving. Exercise releases endorphins otherwise known as ‘feel good chemicals’ so if for no other reason than a brain boost, get some exercise.
- Show yourself gratitude. Write down one thing you’re grateful for every day. I know it sounds corny but it will help you realize all that you have to appreciate in your life and reframe your negativity.
I know it can feel frustrating because you want to be at the peak now, knowing that getting there will take time. Don’t let that disappoint you or keep you from even trying. Things are always changing, shifting, transforming, just like you. You are a work in progress, you are on a journey so enjoy the experience. There will be more peaks, there will be more transformations, more journeys and you can experience them all with an open heart and clear mind by getting out of the darkness and into the light. Keep showing up for yourself!